I feel like im slowly dying inside whilst a bonfire of happiness lights up the scene

Hey guys! Its ralf! These past few months have been fun, but also kind of stressful, it was filled with tons of trials and tribulations and I’m not sure if I’m gonna make it out alive, cause, for one, my sleep schedule has been WRECKED by school, I usually only have four hours of sleep which has messed up my life a little bit, I’ve become more hyper and crazy, and I am constantly in need of coffee IV drips.

Not only that but highschool was also like a slap in the ass, I never thought that HS would hit this hard, I’ve only moved one motherfuckin grade, yet I somehow have twice the workload that I used to have? And also, I can’t really join clubs due to the fact that I’m in a special program, which sucks ass, like, what am I going to put on my college application? “hi my name’s ralf and I spent 90% of my time procrastinating and writing a single sentence on my notebook before sleeping” I mean I know that I spend long hours listening to information that will fall off my brain in a few months but c’mon, why can’t we at least join a single goddamn club? Like this probably won’t be healthy for my future self’s college applications

I’ve also started becoming more grade conscious, back in the 3rd grade, grades were the last thing to ever come up in my brain, the only things I wanted to do back then was play tower of hell – easy on roblox and watch rascal the yellow raccoon reruns like my life depended on it, but now, I’ve slowly started to become more anxious about them. “just because they’re good now doesn’t mean they’ll be good later” is the only thing that comes up in my mind whenever its exam week or report card day, and honestly, it is the worst thing ever, the last thing I want to be worrying about is whether I’ll pass, like its honestly exhausting

Also i have noticed that I’ve become more irritable, I would lash out randomly and sometimes I’d get sick from anger, like really sick, and I’m so damn worried, like, I know teenagers can be moody sometimes but I never expected it to be like this.

Also my 14th bday is tomorrow and I am so excited to move onto this new phase of my life! I cannot wait to experience brand new opportunities!

Anyways that’s it, sorry if this blog is really shitty, I have tons of ideas that I just don’t know how to execute, sorry about that!

See you on the other side!


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